That nagging guilt when you finally sit still for a moment — the voice that whispers you should be doing something productive instead of just… being. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I feel guilty when I’m not busy?” — you’re far from alone. It’s an all-too-common tug-of-war for many of us, especially in a world that’s turned busyness into a status symbol.

Psychologist Sharon Draper, who’s spent 13 years helping people understand their thoughts and behaviours, and Renee Hyde, who knows the pressures of high-performance work firsthand at Howatson+Company, share some gentle wisdom on why that guilt creeps in — and how you might start letting it go.

Society Conditions Us to Equate Worth with Productivity‍

A big part of understanding why do I feel guilty when I’m not busy? is recognising just how deep the conditioning runs. Sharon puts it plainly: "I'm sure you're aware we live in a society that conditions us to equate our worth with being productive. So the guilt you feel is actually a learned response from this. The message we would have received is that if you slow down or rest then you're being lazy and so when in actual fact we need rest. We need rest in order to be able to be productive."

We’re sold the idea that slowing down means we’re falling behind. The truth? Rest is fuel, not failure.

Praise for Being Hardworking Shapes Our Identity‍

For many of us, this started young. Maybe you were the “good kid” who got praised for working hard and doing well. Sharon explains: "Other kind of reasons or influences might be that you might have been praised for being like hardworking. You know you're such a good girl. You do so well and you achieving. So you might kind of start feeling like that's part of your identity as well. So then that's all you can be and all you can do and therefore if you slow down you might end up questioning who you are as a person."

If being “hardworking” became part of who you are, taking your foot off the gas can feel like losing part of yourself.

Busyness as Emotional Avoidance‍

Sometimes, staying busy isn’t just about productivity — it’s a way to dodge what’s bubbling underneath. Sharon says: "You also might have learned to stay busy to avoid feeling discomfort because a lot of us actually have uncomfortable feelings and not many of us have learned how to emotionally regulate them. Like most of us haven't you know you don't learn it at school."

She adds: "Most of us have never learned how to our parents did not know how to regulate themselves... so basically if we slow down then all that discomfort comes up and we don't know what to do with it and it's terrifying it feels threatening."

No wonder stillness can feel so… unsettling.

Explore Your Guilt with Gentle Curiosity‍

So what can you do about it? Sharon suggests a softer approach: "The solution then I would say is I always say curious inquiry. So you're not inquiring or exploring with judgement. It's just curious. Be a curious person and explore the guilt you feel just to try and understand it."

Start by asking yourself: "So where do you think it could come from? Did you perhaps have a parent that was always busy? Whose voice is telling you to stay busy and to not slow down? So you could even explore it further. Would you judge someone else if they were resting?"

A bit of curiosity can shine a light on what’s been running on autopilot for years.

Reframe Rest as Productive — Because It Is‍

If you need permission to rest — here it is. Sharon says it best: "What you've got to do is reframe rest to equal productivity. Rest is not laziness. Rest is necessary in order for us to be productive in order for you to do whatever it is that you love doing. It protects us from burnout. So it's absolutely imperative that we have that balance."

Recovery Is Essential for High Performance‍

Renee backs this up with a reframe that’s simple and powerful: "I think recovery is incredibly important to performance. So maybe a reframe of it being rest to recovery. And you know the athletes need recovery and as people we need recovery."

She shares how she knows when she needs it: "I can tell when my stress levels are rising that I need that moment of recovery. And I always find that once I've been for a walk exercised had some time in nature spent some time with my kids or my friends or things that fill my cup I always feel that kind of reset moment."

You’re not lazy for taking a break — you’re recharging so you can keep going.

Practical Ways to Practice Resting‍

Rest, like any good habit, needs practice. Sharon’s advice? Start small: "You need to practice practice resting for you know just a short period of time. Even if it's just five minutes of doing nothing but I don't want you to be thinking about all the things you know that's not resting because even thinking about difficult things is causing can cause anxiety or stress."

Give yourself permission for tiny pauses: "Just allow give yourself permission for five or 10 minutes to just read something that's not related to work or have a nap you know or sit and just daydream... just do something in nature and just allow yourself to be present in it just to allow that kind of reprieve from the busyness that we are constantly living in."

Rest Isn’t Optional — It’s Essential‍

Renee sums it up perfectly: "For me you know it's not always about being busy but in the busiest moments you need to even kind of have the recovery to be able to keep going. So definitely it's an essential part of being a high performance individual is that kind of rest and recovery. So a reframe of it being not busy to being essential."

So if you’ve been beating yourself up for needing a break — take this as your sign. The guilt you feel is learned, but you can unlearn it. Start by being curious, giving yourself permission for small pauses, and remembering: you’re not here to run on empty.

You’re allowed to rest — and your future self will thank you for it.

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