When You Can't Get On With Someone at Work

We've all been there. That one colleague who just rubs you the wrong way, where every interaction feels like nails on a chalkboard. Maybe it's their communication style, their approach to deadlines, or just something indefinable that creates friction. When you find yourself dreading meetings with someone you work with regularly, it can make your job feel genuinely stressful.

The good news? This is incredibly common, and there are practical ways to navigate these tricky workplace relationships. Sometimes the issue runs deeper than surface-level personality clashes, and understanding what's really going on can be the first step towards finding a solution.

This question was answered by Andy Wright – Host, CEO Streamtime and founder of Never Not Creative, with extensive experience in creative leadership and workplace wellbeing; Renee Hyde – Industry Leader at Howatson+Company, specialising in client and agency leadership with experience running large integrated accounts; and Martine Beaumont – Mental Health Expert, founder and CEO of Select Wellness with over 30 years of experience as a psychotherapist and executive coach.

Start With Self-Reflection

Before assuming the problem lies entirely with your colleague, it's worth taking an honest look inward. As Martine explains, sometimes our reactions to people can be disproportionate due to something called transference: "It's where someone basically reminds you of someone from your past who you might have felt some pain or discomfort around."

This psychological phenomenon means that if someone has similar mannerisms, appearance, or behaviours to someone who caused you difficulty in the past, your mind can unconsciously treat them as that person. Martine suggests asking yourself: "Who are they? Because it's like a ghost... there's a ghost from the past in the room."

If you recognise this pattern, try to identify the ways your colleague is different from that person from your past. This can help break the spell and allow you to see them more clearly.

Understanding Their Perspective

Renee emphasises the importance of approaching difficult colleagues with empathy: "Coming from a place of understanding is where I would always start... why might they be responding this way? Are they under budget pressure? What might be in their world that you need to have some empathy for?"

Often, behaviours that seem annoying or difficult stem from pressures or circumstances we're not aware of. That colleague who's always late with work might be juggling impossible deadlines. The person who seems abrupt in meetings might be dealing with stress you can't see.

Managing Your Own Response

When someone's behaviour genuinely is problematic, the key is managing your reaction so you don't get pulled into negative patterns. Martine offers some practical techniques: "If someone's really bullying and intimidating... I use a couple of little visualizations. My favorite one is like shrinking them down into like a little... sometimes if they're really naughty I put a nappy on them."

While this might sound silly, visualisation techniques can genuinely help reduce the emotional charge you feel around difficult people. "Often they are engaging in toddler-like behaviours," Martine notes, so treating them as such in your mind can help you respond more calmly.

Having the Conversation

If self-reflection and mental techniques aren't enough, it might be time for a direct conversation. Renee recommends taking the discussion outside the office environment: "I'd be taking them out of the office, I'd be having a coffee, asking them to go for a walk."

The key is to approach the conversation without judgement, acknowledging your own role first: "I'm noticing we're having some communication issues... I'm finding that really challenging. My objective out of this project or relationship is to make the best work. What's yours? Is there a way that I'm communicating with you that is making that difficult for you?"

This approach often leads to breakthrough moments. As Renee shares from her own experience: "Someone who I used to think was just incredibly annoying I've ended up becoming best mates with in New York... when I explained that to him he was like 'oh I just can't work in the morning' so we just always had him send something at night and we just rearranged the schedule."

When Workplace Issues Cross Legal Lines

Sometimes difficult workplace relationships can escalate beyond personality clashes into more serious territory. If you're experiencing bullying, harassment, or other mistreatment that affects your wellbeing or work performance, you might need more than just communication strategies.

Never Not Creative's Support Line offers free introductory legal advice for creative industry professionals dealing with workplace bullying, harassment, or other serious issues. This confidential service can help you understand your rights and options if a difficult colleague's behaviour crosses professional boundaries. You don't have to navigate serious workplace problems alone.

When Professional Help Might Be Needed

If workplace relationships are causing you significant distress, affecting your sleep, or making you dread going to work, it might be worth speaking to a professional. Sometimes these situations can trigger deeper anxiety or stress responses that benefit from expert support.

If you're struggling and need someone to talk to, you can find resources and helplines at Never Not Creative's support page.

You're Not Alone in This

Difficult workplace relationships are one of the most common sources of job stress, and feeling frustrated with a colleague doesn't make you unprofessional or difficult. Often, these situations can be resolved with a bit of understanding, some practical adjustments, and occasionally, a honest conversation over coffee. The goal isn't to become best friends with everyone you work with, but to find a way to collaborate effectively whilst protecting your own wellbeing.

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