It's one of the most confusing workplace dynamics – a manager who talks about being "like family" whilst simultaneously treating you as disposable equipment. This mixed messaging can leave you feeling manipulated, undervalued, and unsure how to respond professionally.

This question was answered by Sharon Draper – Psychologist with 13 years' experience helping people gain insight into their thoughts and behaviours, and Renee Hyde– Client and Agency Leadership at Howatson+Company with expertise running large integrated clients globally, with Andy Wright – Host, CEO Streamtime moderating the discussion.

Recognise the harmful impact of mixed messages

When you deal with a boss that calls you family but treats you like a laptop, it's important to acknowledge how this affects you. Sharon explains: "It sounds like you know like with like we're family um it it makes you feel like you're part of something that's more that's more important it sounds like you know that you're not just an employee but then there's that like double standard."

This dynamic creates specific challenges in the workplace. As Sharon notes: "It would make you feel you know challenged you'll feel guilty about asking for things or putting boundaries in place you might be feel like you're expected to go like the extra mile with them because we're a family."

Whether intentional or not, this behaviour isn't helping the professional relationship. Sharon emphasises: "This person whether they're doing it intentionally or not they may it may be unintentional but it's not helping the relationship at all you're feeling taken advantage of."

Set clear professional boundaries

The most important step is establishing that this is actually a professional relationship, regardless of the family rhetoric. Sharon advises: "I think what's really really important is to yeah understand that and then set boundaries i think you need to be able to say um you know you only work the hours that are expected of you um treat it as professional as possible because that's what it is even if this person says we're a family you're not though you're actually not."

You can also use their own language to advocate for better treatment. Sharon suggests: "You could use it in some ways as well and use that language and say well you know if we are a family and you value me like a family member then I do I need you to respect that I need this time to whatever it is to I need to leave on time or whatever it is that you need to do."

Document everything for protection

Protecting yourself professionally is crucial when dealing with a boss that calls you family but treats you like a laptop. Sharon recommends: "I always encourage clients to document everything as well just so you've got everything written down so it's not just hearsay just just to protect yourself you're not kind of creating evidence to go against them you're just protecting yourself."

Communicate your needs proactively

Rather than waiting for the situation to improve, take initiative in clarifying expectations. Renee suggests: "If your manager hasn't had that conversation with you I would encourage you to have it with them proactively this is how you'll get the best out of me."

Be specific about what you need: "I really like feed you know I love feedback could I have feedback could we meet once a week i I'm feeling like I need to understand a little bit more around your expectations for me could you be clearer."

Give them a chance to improve

It's worth approaching the situation with some optimism initially. Renee explains: "I'm going to heir on the side of maybe the leader has um not communicated as well as they can and maybe try to encourage that and if not you've given it a go and you've given it your best shot."

Use concrete examples when discussing the impact: "The examples are really important like this makes me when you email me late at night this makes me feel this way."

Know when it's time to leave

If nothing changes after you've tried setting boundaries and communicating clearly, it may be time to reassess. Sharon advises: "If nothing changes once you do try and instill those boundaries and be clear about those boundaries then you can look at you know is this something that's really working for me do I need to go somewhere else where I am actually valued um as an employee."

Understanding the complexity of workplace "family"

The concept of workplace family is complicated, as Andy reflects: "Companies aren't families i was thinking oh I don't know like sometimes I like to think that we are but also you know because he says there's a level of accountability that you're going to need to have whereas you know you won't necessarily keep that always up in a in a family."

Different people have different expectations of what "family" means, which can create confusion in professional settings.

Moving forward with clarity

Dealing with a boss that calls you family but treats you like a laptop requires clear boundaries, professional communication, and self-protection. Remember that you deserve to work in an environment where you're genuinely valued, not just given lip service about being "family."

Start by setting boundaries, documenting interactions, and communicating your needs clearly. Give your manager a chance to improve, but don't hesitate to seek a healthier work environment if the behaviour continues. You have the right to professional respect, regardless of the language your boss uses.

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