Supporting a neurodivergent colleague is genuinely kind, but it can also quietly become exhausting. So where is the line, and how do you find it without losing yourself in the process?

This question was answered by Aimee Davies, Mental Health Expert, whose understanding of how ADHD shows up in workplace environments brings both compassion and practicality to the conversation, and Andy Wright, host of Asking For A Friend on Never Not Creative, who helped draw out the nuance in what is a surprisingly layered question.

ADHD Is Not One Thing

Aimee is clear on this from the start: ADHD looks different in every person. It can affect attention, memory, time management, task switching, emotional regulation, and follow-through, and what helps one colleague may do nothing for another. That means the first step is not to assume you already know what they need. It is to ask them directly, respectfully, and with genuine curiosity about what actually works for them.

Make Communication Concrete

One of the most practical suggestions Aimee offers is also one of the simplest: write things down. Clear written follow-ups, agreed priorities, deadlines, and step-by-step checklists are useful for plenty of people, not just those with ADHD. If you are both spinning a lot of plates, having concrete, shared reference points removes a huge amount of guesswork and friction.

Untangle the Frustration

Frustration is valid, Aimee says, but it helps to understand where it is actually coming from. There is a real difference between feeling frustrated because you care about your colleague and your shared work, and feeling frustrated because you are quietly absorbing additional labour that was never yours to carry. The first calls for patience and a clearer system. The second calls for a direct conversation about roles, responsibilities, and expectations.

Know When to Bring in More Support

If you have tried adjusting your approach and things still are not working, Aimee encourages escalating to a manager or seeking HR support. The goal is not to call someone out but to make sure the systems around that person are actually meeting their needs, and that you are not the only one holding that responsibility.

The takeaway is a generous one: good intentions are a solid starting point, but a real conversation and better systems will take you much further.