Starting a new job can feel like a first date that lasts eight hours a day. You're putting your best foot forward, they're doing the same, and everyone's trying to figure out if this relationship is going to work. But what happens when that charming person from the interview turns out to be unpredictable, manipulative, or just plain awful once you're actually working together?

It's a situation more common than you'd think, and the effects can linger long after you've moved on. The good news is there are ways to spot potential red flags before you find yourself stuck with a manager who makes your working life miserable.

This question was answered by Andy Wright, Host and CEO of Streamtime, a passionate advocate for workplace wellbeing in the creative industry with years of experience supporting creative teams, and Tara Hurster, psychologist and founder of The TARA Clinic, who specialises in supporting successful people with addiction and mental health challenges.

Remember you're interviewing them too

One of the biggest shifts in thinking is recognising that interviews work both ways. As Andy points out: "You're interviewing each other a lot of the time we think that you know interviews are sort of one way and it's like we're doing our best to try and get the job but we should remember that it's as much about us trying to interview um the person who is the employer as it is the other way around."

Think of it like this: you're going to spend more waking hours with this person than with your family or friends. Andy describes interviews as "almost like a first date like do I want to spend every waking hour with you." That's a pretty good way to frame it when you're sitting across from a potential manager.

Use this perspective to really observe how they interact with you, how they speak about their team, and whether their energy feels genuine or performative.

Do your homework before you accept

Research goes far beyond looking at the company's Instagram feed or checking out their latest campaigns. Andy suggests getting specific about who you'll actually be working with: "Ask them what their experience is like or in fact even ask people who have worked there in the past that's a really easy kind of reach out on LinkedIn."

This is brilliant advice that most people skip. A simple LinkedIn message saying "Hey, I noticed you worked at [company] in the past, what can you tell me about it?" can reveal so much more than any job description ever will. Former employees often have the most honest perspectives on what it's really like to work there day-to-day.

Don't just look at where people have been, look at how long they stayed and where they went next. If there's a pattern of people leaving after short stints, that might tell you something important.

The probation period works both ways

Here's something that might shift your perspective entirely. Tara reminds us that "the probation period is also their probation period and you have just as much opportunity to choose to move away from that that industry or maybe not the industry but that organization during that time period as they have to move you on."

This is such an important reframe. You're not just hoping they'll keep you, you're also deciding if you want to stay. Use those first few weeks or months to really observe how your manager operates when the honeymoon period wears off.

When finances make leaving feel impossible

Of course, the reality is that leaving a job isn't always financially feasible. Tara acknowledges this: "I know that it can be easier said than done in a lot of situations especially if there's Financial pressures where the idea of not having a job and however long it would take to find another job that that could be really quite stressful."

If you're in this situation, Tara recommends the Barefoot Investor book and mentions that "there's a government phone line that he talks about a lot where they can provide you with financial counseling as well so if you're in a tight situation and perhaps you know finances are tight you can talk to them about how you can manage things in the interim when you are perhaps out of work."

Having a financial safety net, even a small one, gives you more power to make decisions based on your wellbeing rather than just survival.

Some people are just going through stuff

It's worth remembering that sometimes erratic behaviour isn't about being a fundamentally awful person. Andy notes: "Some people are just awful we can't really help that but also some people just might be going through stuff and so their erratic Behavior can be a sign of other things in their life not going so well."

This doesn't mean you should tolerate poor treatment, but it might be worth having a conversation: "Hey are you okay because you're behaving a little bit erratically or you'd seem a bit off." Sometimes people don't realise how their stress is affecting others, and pointing it out kindly can actually help.

Rebuilding after a toxic experience

If you've already been through a difficult experience with a manager, the effects can stick around longer than you'd expect. The person who asked this question mentioned that "months after leaving my self-worth is still severely affected and I feel like my design career is stuck."

Tara has a practical solution for this: a self-esteem journal. She explains: "What you'll see when you download it and look at it it actually has the days of the week and then there's three sort of beginnings of a sentence on each day so for example if I just go to it now on Monday it says something I did well today today I had fun when and I felt proud when."

The key is being specific in your answers. Instead of just "I felt proud when I got up," Tara suggests: "Give some real detail into what was it about getting up that made you feel proud was it that you got got up before your alarm and you were able to go and meditate or I was proud that I got up because I've been stuck in bed for the last three weeks experiencing depression."

She's seen clients who do this regularly experience increases in mood, self-esteem, and self-confidence over time.

Finding support through NNC Circles

If you're dealing with workplace challenges or recovering from a toxic management experience, you don't have to navigate it alone. Never Not Creative's Circles programme connects you with other creatives who understand exactly what you're going through. These confidential peer support groups meet monthly with 8-10 creatives in your timezone, providing a safe space to share experiences, learn practical skills, and build lasting support networks. The programme requires a six-month commitment and focuses on mutual support among peers who truly get the unique pressures of creative work. Learn more about NNC Circles.

When workplace issues cross legal lines

Sometimes poor management crosses into territory that's not just unpleasant but actually illegal. If you're experiencing bullying, harassment, or discrimination from a manager, Never Not Creative's Support Line offers free introductory legal advice through specialist lawyers who understand the creative industry. This confidential service can help you understand your rights and options when dealing with toxic workplace situations. You don't have to suffer in silence or wonder if what you're experiencing is normal. Access the Support Line here.

Getting professional help when you need it

If a toxic management experience has left lasting effects on your confidence or mental health, seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. A psychologist or counsellor can help you process what happened, rebuild your self-worth, and develop strategies for future workplace relationships. This isn't about weakness, it's about getting the tools you need to thrive professionally and personally. If you're struggling and need support, visit our comprehensive help resources for services available in your location.

Trust your instincts

The most important thing to remember is that your wellbeing matters more than any job. As Andy reminds us: "You can only control your own view of your self-worth and you know that person isn't doesn't need to be in your life anymore and you can find someone else who is a more inspiring boss and manager."

If something feels off during the interview process, trust that feeling. If your new manager's behaviour is affecting your mental health, remember that you have options. And if you've been through a difficult experience, know that it doesn't define your worth or your career potential.

Good managers do exist. Kind, supportive leaders who help you grow and succeed are out there. You deserve to work for someone who treats you with respect and helps you do your best work. Don't settle for less.‍