If you've ever found yourself fixating on that one piece of negative feedback whilst completely ignoring all the praise, you're not alone. Being hard on ourselves seems to be an occupational hazard in the creative industry, where perfectionism and self-criticism can feel like they come with the territory.

The truth is, this tendency to be our own harshest critic isn't just uncomfortable – it can genuinely hold us back from doing our best work and enjoying the process. But there are practical ways to break this cycle and develop a kinder relationship with yourself.

This question was answered by Andy Wright – Host, CEO Streamtime and founder of Never Not Creative, with extensive experience supporting creative professionals' wellbeing, and Tara Hurster – Psychologist and founder of The TARA Clinic, a mental health expert specialising in addiction recovery and therapeutic support for high-achieving professionals.

Look for the truth, not just the negatives

One of the biggest traps we fall into is selective attention to criticism. As Andy points out: "It's really easy to when you know you could have a whole conversation with someone or you could get a whole bunch of feedback from a client and you will be focusing on the one negative thing that they said despite being told how great the piece the work was."

This isn't a character flaw – it's actually how our brains are wired. Tara explains: "That does come back to the Ugg Ugg days with the saber-toothed tigers because again if we were running away from a tiger and we tripped over the Pebbles that were on the ground and we almost got eaten but we managed to get away our brain needs to remember when we're running away from a tiger never ever ever go on Pebbles."

When you catch yourself spiralling into self-criticism, pause and actively look for evidence. Are people actually telling you you're doing poorly, or is this a story you're creating? Often, there's no real evidence to support our harsh self-judgements.

Take control of your own happiness

Andy shares a piece of wisdom he tells his daughter: "Be in control of your own happiness like we can't control what other people are going to say we can't control what they're going to do but we can control whether we're happy with something."

This doesn't mean lowering your standards or accepting mediocrity. It means recognising that your satisfaction and sense of achievement don't have to depend entirely on external validation. If you're genuinely happy with your work, that matters.

Focus on the process, not just the outcome

Finding satisfaction in the actual doing of your work, rather than waiting for external rewards, can transform how you feel about yourself and your abilities. Andy references the concept of flow: "There's a lot of work done around actually just enjoying the process of doing work and finding something that you know gives you meaning gives you satisfaction gives you a sense of achievement allows you to be in control of how you do it and when you do it."

When you can get absorbed in the creative process itself, you're less likely to be constantly judging and criticising your progress.

Rewire your brain gradually

The good news is that you can actually change these patterns. As Tara explains: "The cool thing about the brain and it's a weird word but the plasticity of the brain is that we are just able to rewire and change the way that the brain works as well."

You don't have to flip from harsh self-criticism to unrealistic positivity overnight. Tara suggests: "If we choose to focus on the positives or even just the neutral of the situation that alone can be really helpful because rather than going from negative to positive our brain will think we're trying to trick it we can go from negative to neutral."

Build intrinsic motivation

Rather than relying on external validation (likes, praise, awards), work on developing what Tara calls "intrinsic motivation – motivation from the inside so you enjoy the process." This creates a more sustainable and fulfilling relationship with your work that doesn't depend on constant external approval.

Connect with others through NNC Circles

Sometimes the best way to stop being so hard on yourself is to realise you're not alone in these struggles. NNC Circles are peer support groups specifically designed for creatives facing these kinds of challenges. In a safe, confidential environment with 8-10 other creatives, you can share experiences, learn practical coping strategies, and discover that the pressure you put on yourself is something many others understand. These monthly sessions combine mental health education with genuine peer support, helping you build a more balanced perspective on your work and yourself.

When to seek professional help

If being hard on yourself is significantly impacting your wellbeing, work performance, or relationships, it might be time to speak with a mental health professional. Persistent self-criticism can sometimes be a sign of underlying anxiety, depression, or other conditions that benefit from professional support. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you need immediate support or aren't sure where to start, check out our comprehensive guide to getting help.

You're not alone in this

Being hard on yourself might feel like it's just part of being a creative professional, but it doesn't have to define your experience. By actively looking for truth rather than focusing on negatives, taking control of your own satisfaction, and building intrinsic motivation, you can develop a kinder, more sustainable relationship with yourself and your work. Remember, the goal isn't to stop caring about quality – it's to care about it in a way that supports rather than undermines your wellbeing and creativity.

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