You're not bad at your job. You're just caught between two people who haven't sorted out their priorities, and you're the one absorbing the chaos.

This question was answered by Aimee Davies, Mental Health Expert, who reframed the problem through a wellbeing and communication lens, and Nick Hunter, Industry Leader, who brought the rare and refreshing perspective of someone who openly identifies as the swooping boss in this scenario. Andy Wright hosted the conversation as part of this Asking For A Friend session.

It's not a personal failing, it's a systems problem

Aimee was quick to point out that this isn't about poor time management. When your boss regularly overrides your manager's deadlines with urgent requests, what you're experiencing is competing priorities and unclear escalation protocols. That distinction matters, because it shifts the conversation from self-blame to problem-solving.

Have the proactive conversation before you hit the wall

Rather than quietly absorbing the pressure, Aimee recommends sitting down with your manager to get clarity on what the expected process actually is. What should you do when the boss drops something urgent in your lap? Should you flag it? Reprioritise silently? Knowing the answer in advance means you're not making a stressful judgement call every single time it happens.

Document the requests, not to be difficult, but to be prepared

Aimee also suggested keeping a record of last-minute requests. Not to build a legal case, but to give yourself concrete examples when it comes time to have a constructive conversation with your manager. Details fade fast when you're under pressure, and having a clear picture helps the discussion stay grounded and useful.

Push back with a solution, not a flat no

Nick's contribution was particularly valuable here. As someone who admits to being the person who swoops in with urgent requests, he said what he appreciates most is when a team member comes back with a proposed alternative rather than a simple refusal. Something like: I can get you what you need, but here's what would need to shift to make that happen. That kind of response demonstrates agency, keeps the conversation collaborative, and is far harder to dismiss.

You are not responsible for the miscommunication between your manager and your boss. But you can absolutely be the person who helps surface it, and in doing so, protect your own capacity in the process.