How can I help my partner with their mental health?

Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health can feel heartbreaking and helpless. You can see they're anxious, stressed, or not quite themselves, but they won't admit it or talk about it. You want to help, but every attempt seems to hit a wall. This is one of the most common challenges in relationships, especially when your partner is used to being the strong one who supports others.

This question was answered by Katie Feder, a registered psychotherapist working in clinical practice who trained in Process Orientated Psychology and specialises in emotional health and wellbeing in the creative industry, and Maria Devereux, Executive Creative Director at Accenture Song in North America with extensive leadership experience in creating empathetic workplace cultures and understanding the challenges of supporting others while managing your own wellbeing.

Respect their timing and journey

The most important thing to understand is that mental health has what Katie calls "a divine timing to it." Your partner has to reach a place where they want change and are ready to have that conversation. As Katie explains: "You have to get to a place in your struggle that you want change... but you can certainly invite the discussion with him and ask him questions about how he is, but if he is not at that place where he is wanting to convert or maybe have that conversation with you... it's not your journey to hold, it's his journey to hold."

This doesn't mean you do nothing. It means recognising that pushing too hard or constantly bringing up their mental health can actually create more pressure and resistance.

Create space without pressure

Instead of making mental health conversations feel like scheduled appointments, look for natural openings. Katie suggests that "in that place where you seemingly think you are just kind of relaxing or making dinner or chatting or just relating in a more normalised way, that's where the space that he may feel more comfortable to open up."

The key is avoiding the feeling that mental health becomes "a thing" that has to be discussed at specific moments. Natural, relaxed conversations often provide better opportunities for someone to open up when they're ready.

Show love through actions, not fixes

Katie points out that "actions, being supportive and being loving can be of more value than trying to help, because the help can sometimes add extra pressure to a person who's already putting themselves under huge amounts of pressure."

Create lightness and normalcy in your relationship. As Katie puts it: "Maybe the simplicity of... a movie or dinner or sharing a glass of wine or just creating some lightness, that in itself is doing that and arguably better than 'can we talk about it now, can we talk about it now' when he's clearly saying no."

Check your own motivations

It's worth examining why you feel the need to fix or help. Katie suggests looking at "why am I feeling like I need to fix this" as an interesting thing to explore. Sometimes our desire to help comes from our own discomfort with seeing someone we love in pain, rather than what they actually need from us.

Maria relates to being "the person who wants to help or fix people and that puts a lot of pressure on the other person." She explains that she's "learned more about my own desire to help or fix people... and that's probably something that's worth looking at and working on... rather than worrying too much about the partner who's suffering from mental health issues." Learning to show up lovingly without trying to solve everything can be more supportive than constant attempts to address their mental health directly.

Set healthy boundaries

Katie emphasises the importance of having "your boundaries around that and that you allow him to have his." Remind your partner that you're there, you love them, and you'll be part of their support team when they're ready. But also "make space for normal day-to-day life so that you're not hounding the conversation constantly if it's not being met."

This protects both of you from the relationship becoming entirely focused on their mental health struggles.

When to seek additional support

If your partner's mental health is significantly affecting both of you, or if you're struggling to cope with the situation, don't hesitate to seek support for yourself or encourage professional help. Sometimes having your own support can help you be more present and less anxious about fixing them. You can find resources for both you and your partner in our Where to get help section.

You're not alone in this struggle

Supporting someone with mental health challenges while respecting their autonomy is one of the hardest balancing acts in relationships. Remember that your love and presence matter, even when it doesn't feel like you're doing enough. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be there, creating a safe and loving space where they can eventually choose to open up when they're ready.

Meta description: Learn how to support your partner's mental health without pushing too hard. Expert advice on timing, boundaries, and showing love through actions.

Blog description: When your partner is struggling with their mental health but won't admit it, knowing how to help can feel impossible. Katie Feder, a registered psychotherapist specialising in emotional wellbeing in creative industries, and Maria Devereux, Executive Creative Director at Accenture Song with extensive experience in empathetic leadership, share practical advice on how to support your partner without creating more pressure. They discuss the importance of divine timing in mental health journeys, how to create safe spaces for conversation, and why sometimes showing love through simple actions works better than trying to fix everything. This honest discussion covers setting healthy boundaries, examining your own motivations to help, and recognising when professional support might be needed for both you and your partner.

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