Finding Your Perfect Balance: Embracing Solitude Without the Loneliness

We've all been there: craving some proper alone time but worrying we'll end up feeling isolated or disconnected from the world. It's one of those modern dilemmas that feels particularly sharp in our always-on, hyper-connected creative industry. The good news? You absolutely can be alone without being lonely, and it might just be one of the most enriching things you do for yourself.

This question was answered by Ash King, psychologist, writer/designer and cyberpsychology researcher at the University of Sydney, who brings deep expertise in mental health and wellbeing for creative professionals, and Jess Lilley, Creative Director and Founder of The Open Arms in Melbourne, with nearly 20 years of creative industry experience and a passion for workplace wellbeing. Andy Wright served as host, founder of Never Not Creative and CEO of Streamtime.

The Beautiful Difference Between Alone and Lonely

The first thing to understand is that being alone and being lonely are completely different experiences. As Ash explains: "In our particularly western societies we really do have this notion that being by yourself is somehow being lonely and it's a bit of a mistake to immediately correlate the two."

Think of it this way: loneliness is what happens when solitude feels forced upon you, when you'd rather be with others but can't be. Being alone by choice, however, can be incredibly fulfilling. "Time spent in solitude can be incredibly enriching," Ash notes, and many of us discovered this during the pandemic when we were forced to spend more time with ourselves.

The key difference lies in control and intention. When you actively choose to be alone and approach that time mindfully, it becomes something entirely different from unwanted isolation.

Making Solitude Work for You

Research shows that if you want to spend time by yourself, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll live an unhappy life. But there's a crucial caveat: "The drive to spend time in solitude must be mindfully led," Ash explains. "It must be something that you're like 'I am going to spend this time by myself and here is how I'm going to make it enriching for me.'"

This means being intentional about your alone time. Instead of just collapsing on the sofa and scrolling your phone (though sometimes that's exactly what you need), consider what would actually nourish you. Maybe it's reading, creating something, going for a walk, or simply sitting with your thoughts.

Understanding Your Social Energy

We all fall somewhere on the spectrum between introversion and extroversion, and understanding where you sit can help you navigate your need for solitude. As Ash shares: "I have done this many times, I always end up smack bang in the middle so I do love my time with people, I love socially connecting but I also like time alone to recharge."

If you're more introverted, you might find that while you do benefit from social connection, you need those interactions to be "quite rich and deep," as Ash puts it. "Introverts probably get a little less out of sort of small talk and being at parties or networking but when they can sit down and really get into a topic, explore something that they really love or share something really close to them, then that is also very good for the soul."

Setting Boundaries Without Guilt

One of the biggest challenges is managing the guilt that can come with choosing solitude over social obligations. You don't have to say yes to every invitation, and it's perfectly acceptable to prioritise your alone time.

The trick is being clear with the people close to you about what your alone time means and why it's important. As Ash suggests: "Being clear to the people that surround you that your alone time is something that is very fulfilling and is a priority, and then give yourself permission to enjoy it."

This isn't about becoming antisocial or pushing people away. It's about creating a healthy balance that works for you.

Finding Connection in Unexpected Places

If you're craving some human connection but still want to maintain your solitude, there are creative ways to bridge that gap. Ash mentions "noodling around with funny little communities online" as a way to connect with people without the ongoing commitment that real-life relationships require.

These might be online forums, creative communities, or social platforms where you can engage as much or as little as you want, when you want to.

When Solitude Becomes Isolation

While embracing alone time is healthy, it's important to recognise when solitude might be tipping into unhealthy isolation. If your desire to be alone is driven by anxiety, depression, or fear rather than genuine preference, it might be worth exploring those feelings further.

Finding Your Tribe with NNC Circles

Sometimes the challenge isn't being alone, but finding the right kind of connection when you need it. Never Not Creative's Circles programme creates safe, supportive spaces for creatives to connect with peers who understand the unique pressures of our industry. These small groups meet regularly to share experiences, offer mutual support, and discuss mental health topics in a non-judgmental environment. It's perfect for those who want meaningful connection without the pressure of constant social obligations. Learn more about NNC Circles.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you're struggling to find the right balance between solitude and connection, or if your alone time is feeling more like avoidance or isolation, it might be helpful to talk to a professional. There's no shame in seeking support to understand your needs better and develop healthy coping strategies. Find resources for getting help.

Embracing Your Perfect Balance

The beautiful truth is that you can absolutely be alone without being lonely. It's about finding your own rhythm, being intentional about your choices, and giving yourself permission to need what you need. Whether you're an introvert who thrives in solitude or someone who just needs regular breaks from the social whirlwind, your approach to alone time is valid.

Remember, we're social creatures, but that doesn't mean we need to be "on" all the time. Sometimes the most social thing you can do is take care of yourself so you can show up fully when it matters. You're not broken if you need alone time, and you're not antisocial if you choose solitude over another networking event. You're just human, figuring out what works for you.